Are you a shitty friend?
Updated: May 7, 2020
Friendship has a million different definitions and meanings to each person, but there a few basic principles we all should be following. Are you?
I would like to open this conversation firstly by saying, if that title alarmed you, you might require some soul searching. Then again, with all the standards for friendship running around on twitter and being spit out on Instagram it can feel impossible to fill the quota for a “good friend”. Personally, I have always believed friendships should be put above most other relationships.
We all know that girl that ditches you once she gets an S.O., and no one likes that girl. That being said, we’ve all probably been that friend once too. So in a generation where friends can mean anything from a person, you added on Facebook 10 years ago to your bestie from 3rd grade, how do we know if we are being a good one? Let's start by take a little quiz.
1.)Think of the last 2 conversations you had with a friend. Were they equally about both of you?
2.)If not, was it because the conversation was under an extremely wild circumstance and one of you needed immediate help?
3.) Look at your phone. Are there less than 3 unopened messages from friends waiting for a response?
4.)Lastly, have you done something nice for them in the past 6 months? (and no, just gracing them with your presence does not count)
If you answered no to 3 or more of these questions you might want to take a step back. We should take a moment to jump to the other end of the good friend spectrum and talk about a word that can seriously piss me off. It's the word “Toxic”. How many times a day do you hear the word toxic? So far, you've probably heard it at least twice. Toxic is a word that is vastly becoming a cliché and I’m over it. Just because I don’t answer your text in 5 minutes, or I’m not able to go out Friday night doesn’t mean I’m toxic. I just have shit to do.
That being said yes everyone has different standards for friendship and part of being a good friend is realizing that. If you’re the type of person that likes to sleep most of the day and you’re not a texter, great! I’m glad you figured out the type of person you are, and what your body needs. However, to offset this situation that could lead to a friend thinking you don't care, you need to communicate. A quick text saying “Hey, my vibes are really off today, I’m thinking of just staying in bed. I’ll text you when I feel better!” can make all the difference, and save you from being labeled as something you aren't. Another word I'm going to add to our vocabulary of friendship is honesty. This one can be a bit tricky because everyone has a different opinion on honesty. Mine happens to be that I would rather be told the truth than someone lying to me to protect my feelings. I find that the truth is much more valuable than my comfort. So if your friend texts you and says hey I think I’m going to do this really stupid thing at work because it could make me stand out, TELL GIRLY TO CALM DOWN. I’d much rather have a friend tell me that, then let me lose my job because I think I’m being ingenious. And finally, if you aren't being supportive... what's the point? A friend can be your backbone, your happy place, your laughter bank, and your family. If you want that for yourself, then be that for them. If your best friend has an idea tell them your honest opinion and then support them whether they listen or not.
Going back to the previous example, if I see your text telling me not to, I think about it, and then decide I’m doing it anyway, just take a deep breath. Then get ready to be there for me when its all said and done, (that's when you get to say I told you so ;). All in all, friendships have billions of angles and there are different opinions on every single one. With each scenario, those opinions can vary, but I think we can all collectively agree that avoiding calling each other toxic, being honest, and supportive is a good place to start. We all dream of having that group of friends that we see in movies, and on T.V. screens. The ones that are well balanced, funny, and act as a little family. This is totally possible! It can take a while to build a kick-ass group of friends, but all good things take time. Don’t get discouraged if you haven't found them yet, we’re young! So now I'm going to add just two more tiny things: Remember that these rules don't only apply to the best of your best friends. These are rules for all people. The girl you only know from twitter, or the classmate you see two times a week, be kind to them too.
And finally, just admit it when you're wrong. I promise if you can get a hold of this skill you will be so much happier, not just with your friendships but with your life. I used to be so prideful, and would literally dye my hair orange (not that some girls can't rock that) before I would admit I messed up. Now I think that's just a waste of time. I’ve cut out some really great people because of various reasons that were my fault, and I can admit that, but I will never make those mistakes again. Friends are a different type of treasure, so take care of them, and if they are good ones, they'll return the favor.
As always if you liked this article go ahead and share it, and click that cute little heart button. While you're at it shoot your friends a text, and tell them you love 'em!
Forever in your corner,