Let's Talk Me.
Because It's been a while.
It’s been a while since I’ve told you about me. And it’s been even longer since I have been vulnerable with you all. So here we go. For this week, all I have to give you is just, me.
The New York Times
This is who I am.
I feel sad a lot. It's taken some time for me to understand myself. I try to write for the laughs and for the love and comfort and warmth that the right words can wrap you in.
I like to drink wine.
It's taken me a while to understand that I don't always have to write about the happy things because oftentimes the life I live is not filtered through VSCO.
I want to move to Prague. Not because I particularly like Prague, but because once I was on social media and I saw an elegant young girl living in Prague, and she smiled, and it was real. And I wanted it.
I love memories. I thrive on the distant fuzzy memories of cuddling with friends and sleeping in my bed softly all on my own. I miss being on my own. I couldn't ever be alone again. Am I the only one that just doesn't know?
The happiest month of my life was January of 2020. I had absolutely no money and spent every other hour stressing about the rent that was due from my empty bank account, but I spent every night with my friends, and my (then) more secret boyfriend, which made things exciting.
I take pride in never having money. Whether this is due to my rebellious nature, or because I really truly was embarrassed I don't know. But what I do know is that when you grow up without money, and you can't afford the food you want, and having a job is a gift, you spend more time relishing in the love you're lucky enough to be wrapped in. You spend more time reminiscing on the memories of a warm fireplace, and the euphoric laughter you shared with family.
Because when you look back 5 years later or even 5 months you don't think about all the times you cried, and the nights spent stressing. You think of the hot pavement as you peeled your feet closer and closer to your destination while the Summer sun beat down on you. You think of the coffee dates that lasted until the store closed, and your favorite songs you were so excited to discover that Summer.
It must be the Summer. And the music. And the art. And the love, that keeps us going. The inside jokes you never seem to articulate, or the way your fingers stick after ice cream. It's the warmth in the world that keeps your body moving, because at the end of the day the cold will thaw, and it will be Spring, and you will feel alive again.